Been quite a long while since I've posted on here... Guess I've been busy with life and work. But The Lord has been teaching me so many things. Going on the mission trip to the Philippines in March really changed my perspective on life. I've been doing a lot of stepping back and asking God to help me have more trust in Him, instead of trying to work everything out on my own. I want Him to have complete control. That's simply not easy... But I'm so thankful I have a Father who is ever long suffering and loves me in spite of myself. I've been learning to have a heart full and overflowing with thankfulness, through sunshine and clouds. Through past pain, and and through fears of the future. He is my creator and King, and still reigns on the throne, and cares. I've been focusing on stopping at some point in my day and writing down a blessing. A thank you note to God. I've never journaled more in my life! I never knew there were so many jewels strung across my path! Thought you might enjoy a page or two from my blessings journal.
July 5, 2015 Sunday
Today I'm thankful for saving grace. I find myself gazing out the car window, staring out into the deep and wide neat rows of corn stalks. They seem so deep, never ending, as far as the eye can see. Kind of like this deep grace that's so full of wisdom, and unthinkable love.... It goes on forever, like those rows and rows of green stalks, only, it goes farther. I imagine that little girl of 9 again. Taking the hatchet in my hand, and letting it come down hard on that stick of wood, my little heart swelling with pride at the thought that I was defying the words, "no you can't". I always thought I could do anything my heart wished to accomplish. I'd watched my daddy swing that hatchet many times, and watched in wonder as that cracking, splitting noise filled the air, little splinters of wood falling here and there. I was totally intrigued. I wanted so much to have splitting these little pieces of fire starters as my job instead of doing the dishes! My wise mother knew better! She'd seen my longing look, and forbade me to try doing this on my own without a guiding hand. But I did it anyways one day. After several amazing hits, that hatchet came down hard on my hand that was still holding that sliver of wood. Looking down with horror at my bleeding hand, I ran to my mommy, the very one I had defied. She didn't ask why, she just looked at my pathetic hand with so much compassion., that sitting down she almost fainted! And I think about my Heavenly Father, like my earthly mother, He tries to save me from myself. He warns me from going a certain way-my way. But I don't listen, because I think I can do it myself. But I can't. And so He sends that saving grace, to save me from myself. And this grace is often filled with tears, pain and brokenness. And when I fall in pain and utter dispair at His feet, He looks at me with a look filled with unthinkable love. And I smile again as He wraps me in His arms of love and binds up my wounds. Oh, teach me Jesus! And may I learn before you have to send that saving grace. I know it pains your heart just as much and more than it pains mine. Help me be that obedient student, learning and obeying at every step. Even if I don't understand.